Relationships : Love or Tsunamis

On Relationships

Many of us seek fulfilment through relationships, hoping to find a soulmate or perfect partner to complete us. While this quest is natural, it often results in temporary satisfaction followed by disappointment. Understanding the core of this search and transforming it can lead to deeper meaning.

The Impulse for Wholeness

We often believe that another person will fill the void within us and bring lasting happiness. It’s the biggest myth or trap one can face. While relationships do work on electromagnetics, wherein the set of lack of a trait/ characteristic quality in oneself gets completion through the other. So, while the two are in close proximity the completion occurs and serotonin is kicked in. We start liking the other’s presence and company. But, no sooner the two are far apart the brain and mind kicks in and starts its judging trail based on one’s likes and dislikes about the other. This drive for connection is natural but typically results in fleeting joy and eventual disillusionment. The cycle of seeking, finding, and losing perpetuates unmet expectations and emotional distress.

The Cycle of Seeking

The pursuit for external validation stems from a sense of  inner incompleteness, leading to emotional games and power struggles in relationships. This cycle, driven by the ego's need for validation and security, results in dissatisfaction when expectations aren’t met. Eventually, the ego gets hardened and takes a position. Mind steps in and a simple issue between two individuals acquires disproportionate dimensions which mostly meet resistance, anger, jealousy and even a sense of vengeance in odd cases. 

The Illusion of Love as a Commodity

Love is the very essence of our being. In relationships once the two egos drop and vanish, love is born. By definition Love is our core quality. But, never mistake it for a like or infatuation which are temporary. Viewing love as a commodity keeps us trapped in a cycle of giving and receiving. True love is unconditional and transcends ego demands. Relationships can then become transformative experiences when approached with the understanding that love is not a transaction.

I have seen many cases where husbands and wives or fathers and sons or two brothers or even a step parent or between divorced couples with their children assume pole positions and refuse to budge. While in most cases it is an interpersonal issue but at times societal pressures and traditions step in and ‘honour’ also kicks in. 

Falling in Love with Yourself

To experience true love, we must first embrace our aloneness and self-worth. Confronting our inherent solitude reveals the essence of who we are, leading to a state of peace and self-love. This internal journey helps us recognise that love comes from within, not from others.

The Fulfilment Within

Embracing our inner void leads to the realisation that we are inherently complete and that love flows from within us. This understanding shifts relationships from sources of need and expectation to expressions of the love we already possess.

A New Kind of Relationship

With this awareness, relationships transform into opportunities for unconditional love and connection. They become expressions of the love that resides within us, free from conflict and manipulation, and grounded in a deeper, more authentic bond.

Conclusion

Finding true love requires us to abandon the idea of being completed by another and instead discover the love within ourselves. This shift enables us to experience relationships grounded in unconditional, boundless love.